Turning Brute Force into Sustainable Leadership
What happens when the only strategy you trust isn’t getting you where you want to go?
When brute force stops working
"Brute force doesn't help? Fuck." That light bulb moment hit my client early in our work together.
She pushed harder than almost everyone around her and although she regularly wound up overwhelmed and frozen, waiting for the other shoe to drop, it was hard to imagine anything other than the brute force could work.
When brute forcing didn't work, she felt deep shame at not being able to do things that "should be easy." It felt like irrefutable evidence about her character, and a rough afternoon meant she was lazy or a fraud. The more accurate explanation, that she had not eaten or drank anything all day and was working through a headache, did not cross her mind.
More support than most, but still struggling
She had support that many people never get, including a strong medical team, a workplace that backed her, and an education that opened doors. None of it reached the core problem, the mismatch between how her attention and energy actually worked and her assumption that only steady, linear output could translate into success.
Naming the causes
We worked on the all-or-nothing thinking that turned one hard hour into a referendum on her worth. We worked on success amnesia, where her wins vanished from memory while every stumble vividly lived on. We worked on the shame that intensified both.
Over the months, she stopped treating her bad days as random and started tracing them to causes she could name. "I feel overwhelmed and unproductive for no reason" became "I had a hard day, and it turns out I'm hungry, dehydrated, and I have a headache."
As she grew more skilled in identifying why she was not feeling productive, she was better able to take appropriate steps to care for herself. Over time, the executive functioning tasks that originally seemed so overwhelming became more manageable.
Leading the people around her
From there, the work widened into leadership. We built her management and influencing skills, named the organizational dynamics she was operating inside, and wrote scripts so she could set expectations and hold boundaries during real conversations. She could finally see past her own task list to how her work connected with her colleagues' and where the organization was heading.
A day after I pointed out her growth in this area, her manager told her she was going places in the organization. Others were starting to see how well she was bringing people along with her in the work.
Where she is now
Her AuDHD is still here, but her days look different now. The stories she tells herself when one of her days goes sideways have transformed. With understanding and compassion softening the shame, she is far more able to live and lead effectively.
Who I’ve worked with
